and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
