Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
