just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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