in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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