shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
