I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
