she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
