i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
