I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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