I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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