i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
