On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
