drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
