Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
