Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
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