I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
