If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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