Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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