My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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