one two three fourrrrnication!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
