if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
