why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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