ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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