is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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