I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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