i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
