Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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