I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
