its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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