I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
