covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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