how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
