i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
