I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
