We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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