I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
