so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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