shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
