I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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