Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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