good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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