1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
only you would photoshop your dick
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
