My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
