i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
