I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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