So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
