i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Randomize
