he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
