Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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