So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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