i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
