When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
